


Victims of Circumstance

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-20
Updated: 2011-07-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 14:56:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8106649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: A ‘Nothing Human’ through to ‘Counterpoint’ episode addition seen through B’Elanna’s eyes.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Pook. Hope you had a bonza day, mate. Qapla’
> 
> Thanks to Audabee for the read through and Kim J for the beta and suggestions. I’m ever grateful.

B’Elanna huddled in the corner of her couch and glared menacingly at the ribbon of smoke as it snaked its way upwards from the earthenware burner. Eyes tight with fury, she watched the thin grey strand swirl and dance in the invisible waft of the air recycler until it vanished against the white of the ceiling. In a last ditch effort to clear her mind, she tried to attach her anger to the ephemeral wisp of vapour in the hope that it too would disappear, but her rage was far too visceral for such an insipid and ultimately futile gesture.

Swamped by a fresh surge of rage, she snarled and jolted forward, slamming the burner’s heavy lid onto its base, snuffing out the smouldering incense. The heady fumes of the Klingon relaxant and ‘expeller of demons’ had failed miserably. In the two hours since Janeway’s visit, B’Elanna’s anger had merely honed itself to a razor-sharp edge – flint-hard and lethal.

It took all of her strength to keep from hurling the burner across the room; instead, she slumped back into the sofa, grabbed a cushion and hugged it to her middle as her wrath speared towards Janeway.

Kahless! The woman had some fucking nerve. How dare she turn up on her doorstep after what she’d done and have the gall to order her to just ‘get over it’.

The arrogant, self-righteous bitch!

What the hell did she know of Tabor’s suffering or that of any of the Maquis? She had no fucking clue! While they and their families were being tortured and murdered under the occupation, Kathryn Janeway was safe and sound on Earth, sitting pretty with her all-too-precious Starfleet ideals intact. At same time as Tabor’s grandfather was being slowly tortured to death – a victim of Moset and his cruel medical experiments – Janeway was merrily going about her business in blissful ignorance of the horrors being visited upon the innocent by the Cardassians in the DMZ.

B’Elanna snarled as she pivoted forward. Her fists clenched convulsively around the cushion as she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to tamp down a fresh surge of fury.

It didn’t work. She wanted to throw something, hit something, damage anything or anyone. Time in the Brig might almost be worth the satisfaction of knocking Janeway down a peg or two.

It wasn’t as if B’Elanna hadn’t made her wishes perfectly clear. Captain or not, the woman had absolutely _no right_ to so callously disregard her request.

Unable to sit still a moment longer, B’Elanna slammed the cushion onto the couch, jagged to her feet and began pacing back and forth across her quarters.

Crell Moset! Crell fucking Moset!

Of all the exo-biologists they could have used, why choose that vile and depraved bastard? She shuddered and felt her stomach lurch at the thought of his grey, scaly hands touching her.

Thanks to Janeway and her holier-than-thou attitude, B’Elanna now had to live with the soul-destroying knowledge that she’d been saved as a result of the suffering and deaths of thousands of Bajoran innocents. Benefiting from Moset’s research, was tantamount to being a collaborator and she was left carrying that shattering truth with her for the rest of her life. The burden was almost too much to bear.

It hadn’t been Janeway’s choice to make and B’Elanna’s fury ran so deep and so molten that it was virtually impossible to contain. It threatened to erupt in a frightening and destructive frenzy.

She had to get out of her quarters and away from walls that suddenly felt as though they were closing in around her!

Almost blinded by rage, she pushed through the doorway into the corridor, and still bare-armed in her tank, she snarled and muttered under her breath as she stalked along the deck, ignoring everyone she passed. Her sole objective was to get as far away as possible from the stifling closeness of her quarters, where thoughts of Janeway and everything else reminded her of what had happened that day. She ploughed ahead with no particular destination in mind.

“Qu’vatlh!” She spat the expletive as she rounded the corner to the turbo lift before slamming her hand onto the controls with all her might.

Surprised that sparks didn’t fly from the mechanism; she had to restrain herself from repeatedly smashing her fist through the hapless panel.

What she really needed to do was maim a few Cardassians.  A hologram of Moset would be the perfect means of assuaging her rage and she could kill him a thousand times over. But, according to Tom, the Doctor had erased the evil bastard’s matrix from the database. Too little too late, as far as she was concerned, and with these thoughts, the focus of her wrath began to shift.

What sort of insanity had possessed the Doctor to create that creature in the first place? Was he completely ignorant of the feelings of the Maquis and others on board? Surely, it must have occurred to him that having a Cardassian in their midst might cause distress to any number of the crew– regardless of their affiliation.

B’Elanna stepped into the lift, ignoring the terrified glances from two ensigns who quickly exited after taking one look at her scowling face.

Snapping at the computer, _“Deck five!”_ she prowled the inside of the lift as it rose four decks to her destination. She was hell-bent on giving the Doctor a thorough reaming for completely abandoning good sense and creating the Moset hologram. She wanted to know why, in Kahless’ name, of all the hundreds of templates on file, he thought that it was a remotely good idea to use a Cardassian. She was still blisteringly angry with Janeway and Tom for going against her wishes but if the Doctor had used even a miniscule portion of his much touted ‘intellect’ he should have foreseen the consequences of his actions.

She shouldered her way through the opening doors of the lift and within seconds was barging through the laboratory entrance of Sickbay ready to tear the thoughtless EMH limb from holographic limb. But before she could open her mouth, the main doors on the far side of the Doctor’s office slid open and Chakotay rushed through carrying the captain. She looked like a rag doll in his arms, her limbs hanging awkwardly and her head lolling backwards. She was severely injured, unconscious and bleeding.

Not quite sure what to do, B’Elanna stepped back behind the partition, out of sight, as he bellowed, “Computer, activate EMH!”

She peeked around the corner and heard him mutter agonisingly under his breath as he laid the injured woman on the biobed, “For spirit’s sake, Kathryn; what the hell were you thinking?”

The Captain’s head rolled to the side and B’Elanna had to stifle a gasp at the sight of her battered and bruised face. She was barely recognisable; her right eye swollen shut, her nose and cheek broken and her mouth cut and bleeding.

Looking more closely, B’Elanna could also see that her arm was twisted at an odd angle, her hands were bloodied and broken, and her jacket and tee were torn and blood spattered. It was a shocking sight.

Janeway looked so small and frail laying there – hardly the cold and callous architect of B’Elanna’s misery. Thoughts of revenge began to fade as she watched Chakotay hover worriedly over the injured woman, his face a picture of heart-wrenching anguish.

The Doctor materialised. “Please state the….” His eyes snapped towards the biobed and he rushed to the Captain’s side. “What happened, Commander? Are we under attack?”

“No.”

After running a scanner over Janeway, the Doctor methodically injected her with several hypo sprays before raising the diagnostic arms over her midsection. He questioned Chakotay again as he studied the readouts. “Commander, how was the Captain injured?”

Chakotay ignored the question and demanded, “Is she going to be all right?”

B’Elanna knew him well enough to hear the raw fear in his voice; he was controlling it – just – but it was obvious that he was desperately worried about the captain.

She watched as he reached over and gently swept Janeway’s blood-encrusted hair from her forehead, then looked up and urged the Doctor for an answer, an edge of panic in his voice. _“Doctor?”_

“A moment please, Commander.” The Doctor reached behind him for another hypo and after the quiet hiss subsided, he checked the readouts once more and answered, “Yes, she’ll survive but she’s been gravely injured. What on earth happened?”

B’Elanna was out of the direct line of sight of both Chakotay and the Doctor but couldn’t leave Sickbay without being seen. Trapped in her hiding place, she had a clear view of her friend’s face as his eyes narrowed in distress. He unwillingly told the Doctor what Janeway had been doing. “She was in the holodeck… with the safeties off.”

“I beg your pardon?”

Chakotay’s eyes were almost black with rage and worry as he hissed, “You heard me, Doctor.”

The EMH shook his head and leaned over to examine her injuries more closely. “There are fist marks on her face and gouge marks around her orbits. Her arms are covered in defensive wounds and her shoulders have been wrenched from their sockets, most likely from being restrained. What sort of program was it?”

Chakotay’s jaw clenched and even from her vantage point, B’Elanna could see his eyes tighten in anger. “She activated B’Elanna’s Cardassian program.”

B’Elanna clapped her hand over her mouth as she watched the Doctor’s head snap up to stare at Chakotay. A silent communication passed between the two men and with a knowing nod, the EMH muttered, “I see.”

Both men were silent for a time as the Doctor worked on regenerating and healing Janeway’s wounds, both external and internal. After close to twenty minutes, she began to stir.

The Doctor spoke quietly. “I have healed her injuries, Commander, and she will be fully conscious in a few minutes. I’m discharging her into your care but I would like to speak with her before she leaves.”

Chakotay frowned. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Doctor. Let me handle it.”

“Are you certain about that, Commander? At least she and I were in agreement; _you_ argued on B’Elanna’s behalf in the meeting.”

Chakotay’s eyes closed for a moment, his look heavy with regret as he confessed, “We argued afterwards as well.”

The Doctor’s shoulders sagged. “I thought that might be the case.” He huffed dramatically. “What were you thinking, Commander? You know how difficult it was for her to make that decision.”

Chakotay snapped. “You think I don’t know that!?” But he instantly pulled himself together and in a calmer voice, continued. “Please, Doctor, just let me deal with it.”

With a resigned shake of his head, the hologram reluctantly agreed. “All right, but if this happens again, I’m going to have to report it in my logs.”

It only took a split second for Chakotay to react. He rounded on the Doctor and B’Elanna watched in astonishment as he slammed the hologram up against the transparent aluminium behind the biobed. He hissed in his face, “You will not! There is to be _no_ record of this anywhere in your logs, do you understand? _I said, I’ll handle it._ “

Entirely unimpressed with big man’s outburst, the Doctor placed a hand on Chakotay’s chest and eased him away.

With a roll of his eyes, he pushed past the first officer to retract the arms of the scanner. He countered, his voice dripping with derision. “Your show of machismo is entirely unnecessary. Sticks and stones, Commander. The crux of the matter is that the Captain needs to find some other way of expunging her demons. Her body cannot keep taking this kind of abuse without it eventually resulting in permanent damage. Can you explain _that_ to her when you _‘handle it’_?”

The fight seemed to go out of Chakotay and he nodded wearily.

They both stood staring at the sleeping woman for several moments before Chakotay mumbled quietly, “I’m sorry, Doctor. That was out of line.”

The EMH gave him a sympathetic smile as he patted his shoulder. “It’s all right, Commander. I understand your protectiveness. Does the Captain know how lucky she is to have you?”

Chakotay didn’t answer; instead, a husky whisper from the biobed interrupted the two men and Janeway’s hand snaked out searching for him. “Yes, she does. Very much.”

Both men moved to the bedside and Chakotay took her hand in his, holding it against his chest as he gently touched the back of his fingers to her cheek. “Hey there. It’s good to see you awake. You gave us quite a scare.”

B’Elanna marvelled at the resilience of the woman as, with the Doctor’s help, Janeway struggled into a reclining position; but found it interesting to note that she hadn’t let go of Chakotay’s hand.

The EMH looked meaningfully at other man and then excused himself. “I’ll be back shortly to check on you, Captain.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

After placing the scanner on the trolley, he gave Chakotay a nod. “Computer, deactivate EMH.”

They waited until he had disappeared before B’Elanna watched in shock as Janeway’s face began to crumple. Without a word, Chakotay wrapped his arm around her shoulders and held her tight against his chest. Stroking her hair, he kissed the top of her head and shushed her quietly.

In true Janeway style, the show of vulnerability lasted only moments and after taking a deep shuddering breath, she pulled away from his comforting embrace. “I’m sorry, Chakotay. I didn’t mean for this to happen; it was an accident.”

B’Elanna expected to hear Chakotay’s usual conciliatory response but was stunned by his bluntness.

In a stern voice he chided, “Turning off the safety protocols was no accident, Kathryn. What in Spirit’s name were you thinking? You could have been killed. If I hadn’t come looking for you…”

B’Elanna had never heard anyone speak to the captain in that manner.

In response, Janeway reached over and rested a placating hand on his chest. It was something B’Elanna had seen her do many times, but witnessing it in this context revealed a level of intimacy that she’d never noticed before.

“But you did and I’m very grateful.”

“You still haven’t answered my question. What the hell were you _doing_?”

There was a sharp edge to Janeway’s voice and she glanced away as she answered. “You know what I was doing…” She took a deep breath and looked back towards Chakotay. “…but it wasn’t your fault, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

He closed his eyes and B’Elanna wondered why he might think that he was in some way responsible for this.

She felt a surge of irritation aimed at Janeway – her loyalty to her former captain and friend coming to the fore – but the rage was quickly smothered as she watched the other woman reach towards him and lovingly touch his cheek. “Please, Chakotay, you have to believe me.”

He nodded but his eyes were sad. “If you say so, Kathryn.”

Janeway rested back against the pillows; her hand still firmly clasped in his; she appeared to have no plans of relinquishing it anytime soon, but some of the fire was back as she spoke.

“I’m not going to start second-guessing myself, Chakotay. I can’t afford to do that. _I know_ I made the right decision keeping B’Elanna alive but I don’t expect you, her, Tabor or any of the Maquis to understand or forgive me.” She hoisted herself up a little higher on the biobed. “I don’t have the luxury of kowtowing to the moral browbeating of a few individuals. I’m well acquainted with the Cardassians and their atrocities but I can’t afford to let my experiences taint my judgement – I have to rise above that. As I said, I’m willing to take full responsibility for the consequences of my decision – they’re mine and mine alone.

“Keeping B’Elanna with us was my priority. She’s integral to our survival and I have the lives of a hundred and forty seven individuals to consider. If I can prevent the loss of even one of them, I’m going to do so, no matter what. If B’Elanna never speaks to me again, then so be it.” Her voice wavered ever so slightly and she looked up at Chakotay. The timbre of her voice changed as she pleaded, “Damn it, Chakotay, I couldn’t let her die; it was B’Elanna for God’s sake…” She took a shaky breath. “I did what I had to do.”

B’Elanna pressed her fingers to her mouth as the emotional impact of Janeway’s declaration hit home – her chest tightened and the aching lump in her throat brought tears to her eyes.

She watched as Chakotay nodded once but instead of the quiet acquiescence that was his usual public response to Janeway’s assertions, he shook her hand sharply. “Then what the hell were you doing in her program getting the shit kicked out of you by a gang of Cardassian thugs?” He lowered his voice and leaned closer to her; anger mixed with anguish in his tone. “Kathryn, they weren’t a Starfleet approved, watered-down version of Cardassian militia. Have you any idea what could have happened to you?”

She didn’t answer but her expression told the story and the distress in Chakotay’s look made B’Elanna want to cry.

There was something else going on here and Janeway’s lack of response was loaded with the hurt of old wounds; ones that B’Elanna recognised all too well. There were secrets here, big secrets; ones that were key to the how and why of Kathryn Janeway.

With her heart in her mouth, B’Elanna was mesmerised as Janeway finally responded. “Oh, I know all too well what could have happened. But don’t you see Chakotay? It’s that sense of powerlessness I fear more than anything and it’s what I have to fight against every day of my life. And because out here I have so little control over what happens to us, as captain, I have to conquer that fear any way I can. I need to become immune to it; I have to if I’m going to survive.”

“But don’t you see, Kathryn, one day I may not be there to come between you and disaster.”

Janeway looked towards the anguished man at her side and tears stung B’Elanna’s eyes at the depth of emotion in the woman’s voice. “You will always be there to save me, Chakotay. That’s the one thing in this mess of a life that I trust, and if you’re not, then there won’t be any reason to go on.”

There was a long silence as the resounding significance of those words sank into the fabric of the universe and then B’Elanna watched in fascination as Chakotay lifted Janeway’s hand to his mouth. With a reverence born of deep love and respect, he kissed her fingers. “I’m not going anywhere, Kathryn; not if I can help it, and I’m sorry. I had no right to say what I did in the Ready Room. But, please, you have to promise me that you won’t do this sort of thing again. Voyager can’t make it without her captain… and I can’t make it without you.”

Janeway closed her eyes and nodded. “I’ll try; I really will.” She was quiet for a long moment before she opened her eyes and looked at him. “But, you know…” The corner of her mouth twitched. “… it felt damned good to slam my fists into the faces of those Cardassians.”

His eyes lightened a little and a shadow of a smile teased at the corner of his mouth. “I bet it did. But next time, do me a favour, will you, and take me with you.”

The gravity of the encounter lifted as a smile softened Janeway’s features. “Trying to horn in on my holodeck time, Commander?”

Chakotay’s mouth twisted into a wry smile to match hers. “Absolutely. I mean, look at all the fun you have; who’d want to miss that?”

The Doctor chose that moment to rematerialise; he’d obviously been monitoring the conversation and now that a fragile peace had been restored, it was time to move things along.

He handed the Captain a clean uniform jacket and checked the monitor one last time before he addressed her. “You’re in one piece again, Captain, and I am releasing you from Sickbay. But as a precaution, the Commander is to stay with you tonight and any aches, pains, dizziness or nausea is to be reported immediately. Do I need to mention keeping the safety protocols engaged on your next visit to the holodeck?”

“No, you don’t, Doctor.” Janeway discarded her torn and bloodied jacket and shrugged into her new one.

“I’m glad to hear it. Commander, she’s to avoid coffee tonight and be sure she eats something nutritious. I’d like to see her here sometime tomorrow.”

In a snippy voice, Janeway interrupted. “‘ _She’s’_ still here, Doctor.”

B’Elanna couldn’t help but smile. Even after all that had happened, the Janeway steeliness was still well and truly intact. She could see the Doctor visibly shrink under the infamous glare. She had to hand it to Janeway; the woman was as tough as duranium.

The Doctor began to turn away, but had the last word. “Just follow my instructions, Captain.”

Janeway slid off the biobed and B’Elanna watched in fascination as Chakotay stood back and allowed her the space to straighten her uniform, pull back her shoulders and let the persona of undaunted captain settle into place once more. This seemed to be a well-practiced routine and B’Elanna wondered how many times they’d been through this or something similar, and the crew had been none the wiser.

The Doctor returned to his office and wasn’t witness to what happened next but B’Elanna saw the entire thing and it would be etched into her memory forever.

Chakotay stood by Janeway’s side and B’Elanna thought they were about to leave but then the Captain turned towards him. With her eyes locked with his, she kissed her fingertips, laid them gently over his lips and whispered, “Thank you.”

Chakotay blinked slowly and for a moment B’Elanna thought that he would sweep the small woman into his arms; the look on his face and the tension in his body screamed of his need to do so, but instead he met her steady gaze and as her fingers slid away, he muttered a heartfelt, “You’re welcome, Kathryn.”

After a heartbeat or two, they turned and side-by-side, but not touching, left the bay.

* * *

B’Elanna’s breath left her in a whoosh and swinging around, her back to the wall, she slowly sank to the floor. Shaken to the depths of her being by what she’d just witnessed, tears filled her eyes. She’d had no idea and a searing sense of shame threatened to overwhelm her.

In the last half an hour, her small world had been turned upside down; everything she’d thought was real she now knew was nothing more than a cleverly constructed facade.

The Captain had always seemed so impervious and imperturbable, appearing to those around her as a solitary, stolidly independent and somewhat sad individual who didn’t need anything or anyone. But the ‘captain’s persona’, B’Elanna now realised, was merely a brittle veneer created for the benefit of those under her command. It shamed her to think that it was something that she’d just accepted with the blinkered view of one who desired her superior’s approval but rarely gave a thought to the woman behind the rank and what she might be like outside the confines of her Ready Room or the Bridge.

Janeway was a brilliant engineer – a rare accomplishment in B’Elanna’s eyes – but it hadn’t prompted her to take the time to really get to know her.

Aware now that ‘the Captain’ wasn’t at all who Janeway really was, B’Elanna’s bone-deep shame began to rise to the surface. She’d been so blinded by prejudices that she’d never given much consideration to the woman behind the pips; an oversight that was inexcusable in their situation.

It was apparent to B’Elanna that because of their circumstances, Janeway had forced herself into that rigid mould, shearing off the gentler and more malleable parts of herself so she could be an anchor to all those who looked to her for strength and support. Anything soft and yielding would have given way under the strain but it was a mighty load to carry, too much for one person to bear.

And this, B’Elanna now understood, was where Chakotay’s loyalty and allegiance came into play.

For years, she’d thought that he was a fool to follow the woman so unquestioningly and she’d offered him unsolicited and uncensored opinions on that subject on more than one occasion. She’d told him in no uncertain terms what she thought of Janeway’s – as B’Elanna saw them – outrageous demands. She’d been less than subtle with her accusations and had even told him one drunken night that Janeway had his balls in her back pocket and that he was as limp as an Adosian slug for letting the woman emasculate him in that way.

B’Elanna’s insides shrivelled in mortification at the memory of her petty accusations and immature bitching. He’d been steadfast, however – remaining true to their friendship but also never wavering in his support for the captain. He neither took sides nor said anything to try to change her mind about Janeway. His only comment had been the same as always; _she’s the captain._ It was all he ever said and B’Elanna now understood exactly what that meant and more importantly, what it meant to him.

Nothing else mattered to him but Janeway. Not anyone’s opinion, judgments or assertions. He was what Janeway needed him to be; a safe harbour; her stalwart supporter; a companion and the one thing that stood between her and succumbing to the pressures and demands of the Delta Quadrant and her command. Almost from the moment they’d met, Janeway had given him her unquestioning trust, and being the honourable man that he was, he’d taken that trust to heart and done his utmost to live up to her belief in him.

And they loved one another. It was as plain as day to B’Elanna now. They were loyal, devoted and committed to one another in the profoundest of ways; their bond so strong and undeniable that she doubted anything could sever it – not even death.

A tear splashed onto her hand and she stared at it in surprise; she hadn’t realised she’d been crying. Quickly swiping at her cheeks, B’Elanna fought for control but not before the Doctor rounded the corner and found her crouched against the wall.

He looked down at her, not the least bit surprised to find her there. “So, Lieutenant, do you understand now?”

He extended his hand and B’Elanna took it as he hauled her to her feet.

She took a shaky breath. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop…”  She pointed behind her, indicating the now vacant biobed. “…I was coming here to see you but… Kahless, I feel like such an idiot, I should have known.”

He shrugged. “We all do what we have to do. None of us has an easy time of it, Ms. Torres. The Captain especially.”

“I know that now and I’ll make my apologies.”

“I’m sure she’d appreciate that. She would miss your friendship if it were withdrawn.”

B’Elanna dashed another tear from her cheek. “I wouldn’t do that – not that we’re really friends.”

“Well, perhaps that’s something else you can remedy. She could do with a few more friends.”

Nodding, B’Elanna wondered how she might go about befriending Kathryn Janeway. “I’m not sure how I’ll do that but I’m willing to try.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something, Lieutenant.” He gave her an encouraging nod, then patted her forearm. “Whatever you do, I would refrain from telling her what you witnessed today – not yet anyway. It is something that she and the Commander guard very closely and she may not take too kindly to being spied on.”

B’Elanna nodded and took a step towards the door but then turned back. “Do you think I should go and see her now or will she be resting?”

“ _Resting!?_ ” The Doctor gave a disbelieving snort. “I doubt it. She’s probably sent Chakotay to the Bridge to retrieve the day’s reports; in fact, I can almost guarantee it. Now would be a good time. Strike while the iron is hot, as they say.”

Imbued with a renewed sense of purpose, B’Elanna took another step towards the door but turned back again and much to the Doctor’s obvious surprise, kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Doctor, for everything.”

He looked very pleased with himself and smiling happily, he nodded. “You’re most welcome, Lieutenant. Anytime.”

B’Elanna watched him turn and saunter back into the main bay, humming _Don Giovanni_.

* * *

Stepping into the corridor outside Sickbay, B’Elanna headed towards the turbolift. It wasn’t until she was almost at deck three that she remembered she was out of uniform, so, with a quick change of destination, she made her way back to deck nine to retrieve her tee and jacket. As she rounded the corner near her quarters, she found Chakotay leaning against the bulkhead opposite her door, his arms crossed, staring at the carpet.

“Chakotay?”

He looked up, his face unreadable as he nodded towards her door.

Frowning, B’Elanna tapped in her code and the door swished open. He indicated that she should precede him and then followed her into the room.

The acrid scent of the Klingon incense still hung in the air but she ignored it and turned to her visitor. “Chakotay, I…”

His voice was like ice, devoid of any of the warmth she’d heard during his time in Sickbay with the Captain.

“I don’t want to hear it, Lieutenant. Get over this. Lose that chip on your shoulder, the belligerent attitude and move on. Be grateful that you’re still alive and that someone cares enough to risk losing your respect and friendship to keep you here and doing what you love.”

“Chakotay, please, I…”

“I know what you’re going to say and for one insane moment I agreed with you but in the end, this isn’t about what you or me or even what the Captain wants. It’s about Voyager, the crew, and getting as many of you home as possible. There’s no room for moralising or grandiose gestures. We simply have to survive and that’s all there is to it.”

He took a step towards her and B’Elanna could see he was on the defensive, waiting for her to argue with him but she remained silent instead. He frowned, his eyes narrowing warily. “Well?”

She spoke in hushed tones. “I agree with you, Chakotay, and I was about to go and see the Captain to apologise for my behaviour.”

Chakotay stared at her, clearly puzzled by her change of heart. She did a slow count to ten and just when she was about to ask his opinion, he suddenly grabbed her arm and started towards the door.

“What the hell, Chakotay? Where are we going?”

He frowned and then heaved a sigh. “Sickbay. Last, I heard you were out for blood and now you’re apologising! The Doctor obviously removed more than just that alien parasite from your body.”

She snatched her arm away and gave him a daggered look. “Very funny, but there’s no need.”

He didn’t look amused and as reluctant as she was to reveal what she’d witnessed, the Doctor hadn’t mentioned anything about keeping the truth from Chakotay. More than anything, she wanted her friend to know that she understood how things were and that she was pleased for him and Janeway. Taking a fortifying breath, she came clean. “I’ve been in Sickbay. I just got back.”

His eyebrows rose questioningly, so she explained.

“I went there about an hour ago. I was spitting mad and on my way to shred the Doctor’s program to its base photons but just as I arrived, you came in, carrying the Captain.” B’Elanna took another deep breath, still not sure how he would take the news. “I saw and heard everything.”

His eyes flashed with something but his face remained impassive. “You eavesdropped?”

“Not intentionally. I was behind one of the partitions and couldn’t leave without you seeing me; I didn’t want to embarrass you or the Captain…”

“Or finish up in the Brig…”

She grimaced. “Yes, well, that too.”

Chakotay’s shoulders relaxed a little and a small smile teased at the corners of his mouth. “So you saw everything?”

B’Elanna nodded, and then reached towards him, gently touching his forearm. “I’m happy for you, Chakotay, and for the Captain. I understand so much better now and I’m sorry I behaved the way I did.”

He nodded. “I’m glad to hear it, but it’s not what it looks like.”

It was her turn to smile as she placed her hands on her hips. “Oh, yeah. You could have fooled me.”

“It’s not as simple as that, and I don’t really have time to explain. I should get back to her.” He gave B’Elanna a grim smile then turned and began walking towards the door.

“Chakotay. Whatever it is, it seems to work for you. She loves you.”

He nodded and turned his head slightly, but didn’t look at her. “I know. And I feel the same but while she’s the captain and I’m her first officer, nothing can come of it.”

“I hate to break it to you but I think that Lingta has bolted. You may not be lovers in the conventional sense but… well, from what I saw, you may as well be.”

He turned around and met her eyes, then shrugged. “Perhaps, but it’s not my call.”

B’Elanna could hear the tone of ‘enough said’ in his voice, so she didn’t pursue the topic and picked up her tee and jacket in the meantime. “If you want to delay for a few minutes, I thought I’d go and see her now; I have an apology to make.”

Chakotay nodded. “I’m pleased. She’s very fond of you, B’Elanna. I hope you know that.”

“I do now and…” She took a deep breath. “…it feels good.”

He smiled. “It does, doesn’t it?”

B’Elanna grinned and together they stepped out of her quarters and walked to the turbo lift.

Once inside, B’Elanna called for deck three and Chakotay for deck two.

“Tell her that I’m heading to the Mess hall to get her a coffee.”

“I thought the Doctor said ‘no coffee’.”

He gave her a sideways glance. “He doesn’t have to spend the night with her. Don’t worry, it’ll be decaffeinated but we won’t tell her. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

B’Elanna’s ever-present engineering brain reared its head, “Is there something wrong with her replicator? Should I fix it while I’m there?”

Chakotay’s mischievous grin finally appeared as he pulled a tiny device from his pocket – a thermal regulator, obviously pilfered from Janeway’s replicator ahead of time and in perfect working order. He winked. “You can try.”

B’Elanna laughed just as the lift stopped and before stepping out into the corridor, she nodded towards her friend. “She’s a lucky woman, Chakotay.”

“Be sure to tell her that, too, won’t you.” He grinned as the doors snapped shut.

With a broad smile, B’Elanna turned and headed towards the Captain’s quarters determined to do just that and more.

* * *

Straightening her jacket, B’Elanna rang the chime on the Captain’s door. It slid open almost immediately and a voice called from the bedroom. “I hope you’ve got a coffee with you Chakotay, if not, you’re going be getting up close and personal with the deuterium exhaust manifolds.” Janeway stepped into the living area with a broad smile on her face but stopped in surprise. “B’Elanna!?” The bright eyes and smile dulled instantly and a small frown took their place.

B’Elanna watched the other woman’s defences go up.

“What can I do for you, Lieutenant?”

Taking a small step forward, B’Elanna’s shame surged anew as she saw Janeway tense. It wasn’t that she was afraid of her, far from it, but after what she’d just been through, the adrenalin would still be coursing through the captain’s system, making her hyper-alert and edgy. The sensation was something with which B’Elanna was very familiar. Tom had learned very early on to approach her cautiously after she’d been doing her battle drills or risk a split lip or worse.

“I hope you don’t mind Captain, but I’ve come to apologise. I deeply regret my earlier behaviour and I hope that you can forgive me. I had no right to be so angry and I’ll understand if you want to put me on report.”

“Report?” Janeway’s frown deepened. “He’s been to see you, hasn’t he?”

“Chakotay?”

A twitch of an eyebrow was the Captain’s only response.

B’Elanna nodded. “Yes, but he didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. I was on my way to see you when he came to my quarters. He had some rather significant things to say about my behaviour and my insubordination.” She could see that the Captain wasn’t satisfied with that nebulous excuse. Figuratively jumping in the deep end, B’Elanna continued. “I realised that as much as I loathe the thought of what Crell Moset did and the fact that I benefited from his atrocities, I really don’t want to die.” She shrugged. “I can be a little intense at times and react without considering the consequences. This might have been one of those times.”

The Captain nodded slowly but she still looked a little wary. “Apology accepted.”

“Thank you.” B’Elanna was visibly relieved and as her shoulders sagged, she was pleased to see the hard lines around the Captain’s mouth soften and a ghost of a smile light her eyes.

There was an awkward silence and B’Elanna was caught between the desire to leave and the need to make good on her promise to the Doctor. Taking another step into the room, she smiled. “Chakotay asked me to tell you that he would be back soon with a coffee.”

That brought a smile to Janeway’s face. “He knows me too well.” Then she pointed to B’Elanna. “But not a word to the Doctor, do you hear?”

“I’m more than happy to put one over on the Doctor. I owe him a few.” Her eyebrow quirked and she was pleased to see the spark of understanding laced with amusement in Janeway’s eyes.

The Captain shrugged and smiled wryly. “None of us was at our best through this ordeal, the Doctor included and I’m sorry you were put in that untenable position. But I’m very glad you’re still with us, B’Elanna.”

“So am I.”

B’Elanna got the feeling that the Captain was trying to end the conversation but she hadn’t accomplished what she’d set out to do. It had all seemed so simple before, but in Janeway’s tightly controlled presence, it wasn’t so easy to breach the walls of captainly authority. It was going to take something out of ordinary to throw the woman off her game and in a moment of sheer brilliance – or utter stupidity – B’Elanna came up with a plan.

It would either shatter Janeway’s self-imposed barriers or land B’Elanna in the Brig, but as far as she was concerned, it was worth the risk.

Tossing caution to the wind, B’Elanna took three steps forward, put her arms around the captain and hugged her tight. “Thank you, Captain. Thank you for saving my life – again.”

With her face screwed up in anticipation of a violent shove or call for security, B’Elanna waited. But when that didn’t happen in the first few seconds, she held on tighter. A smile replaced her grimace as Janeway’s arms tentatively rose and closed around her and then tears began to burn in her eyes as she sensed the tension slowly ebb from older woman’s body. The tears fell in earnest when she felt Janeway take a shuddering breath and hold her tighter, her hands clenching the material on the back of B’Elanna’s jacket.

The desperation in the captain’s grasp tweaked at recollections from B’Elanna’s days in the Maquis and the suspicions she’d hardly dared acknowledge in Sickbay resurfaced. Her heart ached for the woman and she hoped that one day they would be close enough for B’Elanna to share her experiences of Cardassian atrocities and how they contributed to her very recognisable self-destructive tendencies.

Now was not the time, however but B’Elanna was pleased with the headway they’d made.

She made a small hiccupping noise in a futile attempt to swallow her tears and Janeway immediately relinquished her hold. They stepped away from one another.

The engineer quietly cursed herself as she swiped at her face, but then noticed the Captain dab at her cheeks as well before she smiled sheepishly and quipped, “We’re both going to be in trouble if Chakotay catches us crying.”

B’Elanna laughed and nodded. “Oh, I think you’re safe but there’s no guarantee that I won’t finish up out an airlock. He’s not very happy with me.”

“He’ll get over it.”

“He usually does, it’s part of his charm. He’s a good man.”

The Captain glanced towards the viewport. “You’ll get no argument from me on that score. We’re very lucky to have him.”

“We’re very lucky to have you both, Captain. You make a great team.”

B’Elanna noticed Janeway’s eyes narrow slightly. The woman was scarily intuitive and impossible to manipulate.

Before she made the mistake of pushing too far too fast, B’Elanna changed the subject. “Captain, I’ll understand if you don’t have time or you have other commitments; it’s just that I have a standing date with Tom for a game of Velocity on Wednesday evenings and he’s pulled Sickbay duty for the next couple of weeks. I know you play regularly with Seven but I was wondering if you’d be interested in a game or two with me?”

Readying herself for the inevitable knock-back, B’Elanna forced her face to remain impassive. She didn’t want to crowd the woman but after seeing the ‘real’ Kathryn Janeway earlier that evening, she was intrigued and had a strong feeling that, if given the opportunity, they could become good friends. They had more in common than either of them realised, their brusque bravados hiding a vulnerable streak that they both constantly fought to conceal and control.

B’Elanna held her breath as she waited for an answer to her request. She was more than a little surprised when the Captain nodded and smiled. “That sounds like a lovely idea. What time?”

Unable to hide her delight, B’Elanna grinned, “Nineteen hundred.”

Janeway nodded. “Excellent. I’ll see you there.” The door chimed and B’Elanna watched the other woman’s eyes light up as she called, “Come.”

Chakotay entered carrying a carafe of coffee and a plate of Neelix’s ‘delicacies’. “I’m sorry, Captain, I didn’t realise you still had company. Depending on how hungry you both are, I can go back get some more.” He lifted the plate aloft.

B’Elanna declined the offer. “None for me thanks. I’ve seen what Neelix puts in those and I like my stomach lining where it is.”

The Captain smiled. “It looks like they’re all yours, Chakotay. But I won’t say no to a cup of coffee. B’Elanna would you like one?”

She shook her head. “No, but thanks for the offer. I should get back. Tom finishes his shift soon and, if he’s still speaking to me after today, its ‘pizza and beer’ night.”

Janeway had already poured herself a coffee and was lifting the cup to her lips. Preoccupied with the reverential first sip of the bitter brew, she muttered absentmindedly, “Sounds like fun.”

B’Elanna glanced at Chakotay and he nodded, so she quickly added, “You should join us. Tom thinks he’s a bit of a pizza maestro, and would love a chance to show off.”

Chakotay chuckled and answered. “We don’t have any plans for dinner and I’m not one to pass up a free meal. Kathryn, are you in?”

Janeway was a little taken aback and stuttered, “I, umm…” She frowned and looked between the two.

B’Elanna could see that she was trying to decide if there was a conspiracy at work.

“I have some reports to catch up on, so I’ll beg off tonight but count me in next time.”

B’Elanna glanced again at Chakotay, waiting for him to follow suit, but he’d obviously experienced this type of standoff before. “I can’t believe you’re passing up pizza for PADDs but I suppose if I’m feeling generous, I could bring you back a slice.”

The Captain frowned and gave Chakotay a mild glare. He returned it and raised his eyebrow a millimetre. B’Elanna watched the silent debate and had to stifle a smile. There was a battle of wills going on here but she had a feeling that after what had happened this evening, Chakotay would be the victor, and she was right.

The Captain acquiesced, albeit reluctantly. “All right. Besides, under the circumstances, if you go, I have to as well.” She gave Chakotay a daggered look. “You’re a bully, Commander.”

“Thank you, Captain.” He grinned broadly, his dimples on dazzling display.

It appeared Janeway was as defenceless against them as the rest of the crew and her scowl softened into a half smile.

Janeway returned her attention to B’Elanna. “Tell Tom that I’m partial to Belgian beer and plenty of basil on my margherita. We’ll see you in say, half an hour?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Turning back towards the door, B’Elanna gave Chakotay a quick wink but the Captain called to her before she made it out the door.

“And B’Elanna, thank you. I know he…” She nodded towards Chakotay, “…put you up to this but I do appreciate it.”

B’Elanna decided right there and then that she had to set the record straight on that score, and turned back towards Janeway. “You’re wrong, Captain. Chakotay really had nothing to do with this.”

Janeway’s eyebrow rose but she didn’t say anything. She merely sipped her coffee and waited.

B’Elanna continued undaunted. “As awful as today’s experience was, it’s been something of a watershed moment for me. It forced me to confront some harsh home truths and realise that it’s past time that I made some changes in my life. I need to move beyond my old prejudices – there’s simply no room for them out here.” B’Elanna took a deep breath before she continued. “I know you don’t think so, Captain, but for many of us – particularly the Maquis…” She glanced at Chakotay. “…being thrown into the Delta Quadrant was the best thing that could have happened to us and we’ll be forever grateful to you for your faith in us and for giving us the opportunity to prove our worth. I don’t even want to think about where I’d be if I hadn’t finished up on Voyager.” She gave Janeway a tentative smile. “It’s something I forgot today and I apologise. I’m ashamed of my behaviour; it was childish and petty, and I had absolutely no right to put you in the position of having to decide my fate.” She took another deep breath but her voice wavered a little. “I’m so grateful that you chose to keep me here.” B’Elanna’s heart was pounding in her chest but the vehemence left her tone as she added quietly, “I’m so sorry I let you down and I hope what happened hasn’t irreparably damaged our friendship.”

Janeway blinked slowly and B’Elanna had a horrible feeling that she’d overstepped the mark. It was one of her greatest failings – forgetting to engage her inner editor. She just hoped she hadn’t undone all that she’d achieved. Even though Chakotay was standing behind her there was no guarantee that he would step in on her behalf if she’d offended the Captain.

Suddenly Janeway’s eyes softened and she smiled. “No it hasn’t, B’Elanna…” Her eyes flicked towards Chakotay. “but as some people will tell you, it’s not an easy task to find a balance when one is friends with a commanding officer…”

B’Elanna nodded. “I know, although you two seem to have found a way.” Janeway’s eyebrow rose questioningly. B’Elanna avoided elaborating and to lighten the moment she added with a smile, “Would it help if I promised not to forget who’s boss?”

The Captain glanced towards Chakotay. “Would you excuse us for a moment, Chakotay?”

He nodded. “Comm. me when you’re done.”

Janeway acknowledged his request with a brief smile and waited until he’d gone before directing B’Elanna to have a seat on the couch.

B’Elanna watched anxiously as the Captain took her place at the other end of the settee before she turned to meet her eyes. 

“What did Chakotay speak to you about this evening?”

B’Elanna wasn’t surprised by the question and although the Captain didn’t look or sound upset, there was a tension around her eyes.

“He came to my quarters to tell me to wake up to myself, lose the almighty chip on my shoulder and get the hell over it – in so many words.”

“Is that all he said?”

B’Elanna nodded her head. “I think he would have had more to say if I’d decided to argue with him but as I said, I was already on my way to see you when I found him.”

“Found him? But you were in your quarters and he came to you – didn’t he?”

Cursing herself for her inability to maintain the ruse, B’Elanna opened her mouth to backpedal and try to retrieve the situation but then decided that if she and the Captain were to forge any sort of lasting friendship, honesty was an absolute prerequisite. It was time to come clean.

Heaving a sigh, B’Elanna nodded. “You’re right, I wasn’t in my quarters. I was on my way back from Sickbay. Chakotay was waiting for me when I returned.”

Janeway frowned. “Sickbay?”

“Yes. I’d gone there to decompile the Doctor’s program. After your visit this afternoon, I was so furious with you and the world that I sat there stewing until the anger built to such epic proportions I had to find an outlet. I began thinking about the Doctor and wondering why in Kahless’ name he’d created the hologram of Moset in the first place, so I headed to Sickbay to have it out with him.” Licking her dry lips, she barrelled on with her confession. “At almost the same instant that I entered Sickbay, Chakotay came through the other door carrying you.”

B’Elanna was watching for Janeway’s reaction. So far all the other woman had done was blink a couple of times, her face remained expressionless but the engineer wasn’t fooled by her apparent impassivity. Janeway was renowned for having the best poker face in the quadrant.

When she didn’t comment, B’Elanna continued, leaning forward a little, her hands clenched tightly in her lap. “I couldn’t leave Sickbay without being seen, so I stepped behind the partition on the other side of the Doctor’s office.” In the quiet, her voice faltered. “It wasn’t my intention to eavesdrop, but I was stuck there and couldn’t help seeing and overhearing everything that happened.”

Again she waited for a comment but still there was nothing. She swallowed. “I’m glad I did. It opened my eyes to so many things. After you left, the Doctor found me and had a thing or two to say to me about my behaviour.”  Her voice wavered again. “I knew then that I had to come and apologise to you. I had intended to come straight from Sickbay, but because I wasn’t in uniform, I went back to my quarters to change and Chakotay was waiting for me.” She was starting to babble so she stopped and waited.

The Captain swallowed; that was the only reaction that B’Elanna could identify. She waited another couple of seconds, and then leaned back a little, fearful that she’d said too much and destroyed any chance of further nurturing a closer bond with the woman beside her.

Taking a deep breath, she braced herself to apologise once more before making a hasty exit, but she was beaten to the punch.

“You saw and heard everything?” Janeway’s mouth quirked up at one corner before she gave an almost imperceptible shrug. “I guess the cat’s out of the bag then.”

B’Elanna was a little surprised by Janeway’s reaction but she matched her smile. “You could say that.”

“I hope I can count on your discretion, Lieutenant, but in case there is any confusion, it’s not what it seems.”

Nodding, B’Elanna wondered if she was wise to continue. The use of her rank made her a little more cautious but she’d promised the Doctor and Chakotay. “Not a word to anyone, but you know that’s exactly what Chakotay said.”

“He did?” Janeway’s eyes clouded and she suddenly looked sad.

B’Elanna cursed herself for saying the wrong thing but there was no turning back now. “Yes, but as I said to him – you could have fooled me.”

Janeway smiled grimly. “As his Captain…”

“I know, he explained.”

Turning towards the viewport, Janeway stared at the passing stars. She sat like that for almost a minute before she whispered, “I wish it could be different.”

Again B’Elanna didn’t quite know what to say; Janeway seemed light years away.

Letting another few quiet seconds pass, B’Elanna matched the softness of Janeway’s voice. “I know it’s perhaps not my place but may I ask why it has to be this way? You care so deeply for one another and you’re a hair’s breadth away from being together. It seems such a waste.”

Janeway’s head snapped towards B’Elanna, her voice strident in the quiet. “Our friendship could never be a waste.”

B’Elanna retreated. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to imply…”

Janeway raised her hand, rejecting B’Elanna’s apology. “I know you didn’t mean it like that but it’s something of a sore point. I’ve spent years wrestling with myself over this and I have an impressive list of arguments to justify my position. It’s not easy but it’s necessary.”

“Why?” The word was out before she could stop it. B’Elanna cringed inwardly and had to clench her fist to stop herself from slapping her hand over her mouth.

The Captain’s eyes narrowed and B’Elanna cursed herself again. She was making a targ’s breakfast of getting this friendship off the ground and wished now that she’d made her exit when she had the chance. There was still ample opportunity for her to wind up in the Brig and at the rate she was going, it would be well before dinner.

She retreated again. “I’m sorry, Captain. I shouldn’t have asked. I’ll go.”

“You don’t get off that easily, B’Elanna. I told you it would be complicated trying to balance this friendship within the command structure, but I think that after what happened today and our shared penchant for self-destruction, we need to talk.”

B’Elanna slowly nodded; impressed that Janeway would speak so readily of her recent experience on the holodeck. It was another step towards getting to know the woman behind the rank and B’Elanna was ready to jump at the offer but felt she needed to add a proviso. “I’d really like that. But I have to warn you, Captain, I’m not very good at this sort of thing. I tend to speak without thinking and although I’m willing to give it my best shot, there’s a chance that I’ll scuttle this friendship before it’s even had a chance to get off the ground. Hell, my last best friend turned out to be a Cardassian spy – so my track record is pretty lousy. Come to think of it, I’m probably a bit of a poor choice really.”

Janeway’s mouth twisted into a half smile and she huffed a quiet laugh before turning towards the viewport.

B’Elanna leaned forward a little and raised an eyebrow in question.

Janeway looked back at her. “I’m sorry, B’Elanna. I’m not laughing at you – it’s me. It appears we have even more in common than I realised. I’ve only had a few close friends over the years. When I was young, I was always too busy with my studies and once I embarked on my career path, maintaining friendships when constantly being transferred from ship to ship was just too hard.”

B’Elanna had thought as much and nodded. “Well, no chance of that on Voyager.”

Janeway’s eyes widened and B’Elanna realised that she’d done it again – put her foot smack dab in the middle of it. Damn it!

Her shoulders slumped. “See what I mean. I have a chronic case of foot in mouth disease. I meant that in a positive way. Being on Voyager has allowed me to become closer to people than I ever would have while moving from one Maquis cell to the next.” Then she remembered that there was no more Maquis and grimacing as the grief twisted her insides painfully, her voice a harsh whisper. “But then again, I’d be dead by now if I wasn’t on Voyager, as would most of the Maquis.”

The Captain’s eyes flashed with something dark and worrisome. “Oh God, I’ve never really thought about it like that.”

B’Elanna nodded solemnly. “It’s not something I like to dwell on either but it’s another reason why I’m so lucky to be here and why I have to thank you for saving my life this morning. I have so much to live for and I shouldn’t have let my anger and intolerance get in the way. I’ve found a home on Voyager, I’m in love with Tom and we’re very happy together. This is a life that I couldn’t possibly have had anywhere else in the galaxy.”

“You don’t still resent me for stranding you out here? You were very vocal about it once.”

“That was a long time ago, Captain, and there’s been a hell of a lot of water under the bridge since then. I think you’ll find that if you ask any of the crew, especially the Maquis, they’ll tell you that they’re happier on Voyager than they’ve ever been. We may be a long way from the Alpha Quadrant but this ship has become our home and we’re more than content with our lot. People are making lives for themselves on Voyager, finding love and partners, and some are even thinking of having families.”

Again, B’Elanna saw Janeway’s eyes cloud with concern. “A generational ship! It’s a daunting prospect but something we’ve always known would eventually happen. I remember talking about it with Chakotay very early on in the journey. I still have reservations but as he so succinctly put it, we’re going to need replacement crew if it takes us another fifty years to get home.”

“It’s a legitimate concern. I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want to be crawling through Jeffries Tubes when I’m eighty.”

Janeway closed her eyes for a moment. “The mere thought of still being out here when we’re that age is terrifying.”

“And another good reason to rethink your motives for not being with Chakotay.”

“You don’t bandy words, do you? No wonder you and Chakotay are such good friends. You’re very much alike.”

“Kahless, he’s much nicer than I am, but maybe it’s a Maquis trait to not sugar coat the truth – there was no time for niceties while we were battling the Cardassians. Things _are_ what they _are_ and learning to accept that makes life a lot easier in the end. Boy, have I learned that the hard way.”

“You make it sound even simpler than Chakotay does, but every time I’m tempted, I see a mountain of potential dilemmas that would either compromise our command, or worse, put Chakotay at risk with Starfleet. I could never hide my relationship with him and if we ever make it back to the Alpha Quadrant, everything has to be above board.”

“Being in a loving monogamous relationship is hardly something to be ashamed of. Surely, Starfleet doesn’t expect you to live out your life alone – it’s not your fault that you’re here in the Delta Quadrant. They wouldn’t expect you to be alone if you were in the Alpha Quadrant, would they?”

“Of course not, but if I fell in love with my first officer in the Alpha Quadrant, we’d be assigned to different ships.”

“You don’t know that for sure. There were married officers on board Starfleet ships when I was a cadet.” B’Elanna watched the inner argument tying Janeway in knots. “Captain…”

Janeway turned towards her again. “Why don’t you call me, Kathryn. If we’re going to be discussing my love life, I really think you should.”

“Sure, but don’t be surprised if I lapse every now and then. It’ll take a bit of getting used to.”

“That’s funny; you know that’s exactly what Chakotay said when I asked him to call me Kathryn.”

B’Elanna huffed a laugh. “I can imagine. When was that?”

She was pleased to see Kathryn smile.

“It was on New Earth – the planet where we were stranded after the insect bite.”

Nodding thoughtfully, B’Elanna felt compelled to ask, “You were there for three months, you didn’t…?”

“No; more’s the pity. We became very close though and he told me how he felt in a lovely roundabout way. I never had the chance to do the same.”

“I think he knows.”

“I hope so.”

“Oh, he _knows_.”

Kathryn smiled and sat back, relaxing a little. “This is nice. Thank you, B’Elanna. I know that today hasn’t been the highlight of our careers and I’m also aware that I’m not an easy person to get to know – years of command training and ingrained self-discipline make it something of a daunting prospect – but I’m glad you’re willing to make the effort.”

“It’s not so hard and to be honest, I feel closer to the people on this ship than any family or friends I left behind. This experience has bonded us closer than anything else ever could. I know that every single one of the one hundred and forty seven people on board this ship has my back and that feels pretty damned good. And you’re aware, of course, that they would follow you to hell and back if you wanted them to. It’s something rare and wonderful and makes me so proud to be a part of it all.”

Kathryn’s eyes shimmered and she gave a small smile just as B’Elanna’s combadge chirped.

_“Paris to Torres. The pizza’s getting cold and the beer’s getting warm, are you coming?”_

“We’re on our way.”

_“‘We’?”_

“Yes, I’ve invited the Captain and Chakotay to join us.”

Tom didn’t miss a beat and B’Elanna was so grateful for his ability to read situations and go with them without question. He knew ‘people’ and how they ticked; it was part of the reason why she loved him.

_“Great. I’ll replicate more of everything. Any preferences?”_

Kathryn smiled as B’Elanna put in her order. “The Captain would like a margherita pizza with lots of basil.”

_“No problem. See you soon.”_

B’Elanna gave Kathryn a beaming smile. “We’ll be there shortly.”

_“Paris out.”_

Kathryn stood and B’Elanna quickly followed.

“I’d better get back and help Tom. I’ll see you there soon.”

“We won’t be long.” Kathryn tapped her combadge. “Janeway to Chakotay.”

_“Chakotay here, Captain.”_

“Dinner’s almost ready.”

_“I’ll be there in a minute.”_

“I’ll be waiting.”

There was the briefest of pauses before Chakotay answered. B’Elanna could hear the smile in his voice. _“Glad to hear it. Chakotay out.”_

Kathryn walked B’Elanna to the door but before it triggered open, she turned to the younger woman. “Thank you, again, B’Elanna.”

“No, thank you, Kathryn. I’ll be forever grateful for what you did.”

This time it was Kathryn who initiated the embrace, stepping forward and taking the young engineer in her arms. “We couldn’t lose you, B’Elanna, so the choice was simple.”

B’Elanna returned the hug but feeling a fresh burn of tears, stepped back and wiped her eyes before chuckling, “We’d better cut this out or we’ll both be in trouble.”

Laughing, Kathryn stepped forward and triggered the doors just as Chakotay came around the corner. “Ah, here’s my escort. See you in a few minutes.”

“Aye, Captain.”

Chakotay caught B’Elanna’s gaze briefly as he passed her in the doorway but then he only had eyes for the captain.

Before the doors closed, B’Elanna caught a glimpse of Kathryn pressing her hand to his chest and smiling up at him lovingly.

A ‘hair’s breadth’ was no exaggeration. She just hoped now that she and Janeway had forged the first tenuous bonds of friendship, she could use it to slowly influence her captain into seeing beyond protocol and regulations to the joys and practicalities of being with Chakotay. She’d never seen two people more suited to each other or more in love.

* * *

Pizza and beer night was a great success.

The Captain and Chakotay arrived together and although Tom had been curious about what had prompted B’Elanna to ask them to dinner, he didn’t push for an explanation and, as always, rose to the occasion.

The pizza was delicious, the beer flowed as freely as the conversation and by the end of the evening, the bonds of this new friendship were well and truly secured.

B’Elanna was pleased – for both of them.

Their velocity game a few days later was also a triumph. The captain was predictably competitive; her doggedness and drive translated perfectly to the court. They were well-matched opponents and B’Elanna had to fight for every point.

Towards the end of the game, they were neck and neck, and only after throwing herself halfway across the court to fire off an almost impossible shot, B’Elanna won, but only by a whisker. Kathryn was gracious in defeat but laughingly promised to wipe the floor with her next time. B’Elanna had no doubt that she would.

The Captain’s prowess with a bat’leth wasn’t to be sneezed at either. She gave B’Elanna a run for her money and over the next few weeks, their friendship deepened and strengthened. They hadn’t had any further heart to hearts but there was a comfortable undercurrent of understanding between the two women that B’Elanna found reassuring.  She could only hope that Kathryn did, too.

However, life was never simple in the Delta Quadrant and there were troubled times ahead. Their newly forged friendship was tested less than a month later when Tom was stripped of his rank for disobeying orders in an incident involving the Moneans. He was sentenced to thirty days solitary confinement for insubordination, unauthorised use of a spacecraft, reckless endangerment, and conduct unbecoming an officer; the whole ship was thrown into turmoil over the incident and B’Elanna saw the familiar defensive walls go up around her captain and friend.

She’d seen the look on the Kathryn’s face as Tom was escorted from the Ready Room, their eyes meeting across the void between them on the Bridge.

It was difficult to witness and B’Elanna’s loyalties were torn but she understood that the Captain’s hands were tied. In truth, Tom had been lucky to get off as lightly as he did.

Kathryn’s feelings were written clearly on her face – disappointment, anger and sadness. It was an awkward moment but as much as B’Elanna felt for Tom, she also understood Kathryn’s dilemma. This was where the waters muddied and the lines between friend and subordinate became mired with the age-old issues of protocols and command distance.

Taking a page from Chakotay’s book, however, B’Elanna was determined to see this through but it took two days before she could pin Kathryn down and speak to her.

She finally found her alone in the dimly lit Mess hall and made a point of approaching. Placing her hand on the back of the chair opposite, she asked, “May I?”

Kathryn nodded before gesturing with a quick smile for B’Elanna to sit down before she turned back to the viewport. Cradling a steaming mug between her hands, she silently sipped her coffee.

B’Elanna broke the silence. “It’s okay.”

Kathryn turned towards her, a spark of anger evident in her gaze. “I don’t need your approval, Lieutenant.”

B’Elanna had to stop herself from smiling. She understood the defensiveness so well and undeterred she continued. “I wouldn’t presume to give it. I’m just saying that the crew understands; so do I, and so does Tom. You did what you had to do. We know where we stand and Tom knew what the consequences were when he went against your orders and broke the rules.”

Kathryn nodded slowly. “He left me with no other option.”

“He knows that. He felt the same way about his actions on Monea, but you already know that.”

“The Prime Directive is as inflexible as it is specific. How many times have we been faced with a situation where we could have used our technology or resources to avert suffering or disaster? But we can’t – it’s a slippery slope and a treacherous one – but it doesn’t make implementing it any easier.”

B’Elanna nodded. “We know.” She waited a minute until she saw Kathryn’s defences lower slightly. “I also wanted to ask if we’re still on for our game of Velocity later.”

A small smile tickled around the edges of Kathryn’s mouth and she nodded. “Sure, I’ll be there.”

Standing, B’Elanna smiled. “Great. I think I have a new strategy to thwart you.”

B’Elanna was pleased to see some of the tension leave Kathryn’s shoulders as she quirked her brow and shot back, “You’re welcome to give it your best shot.”

“Oh, I will, don’t worry.” She grinned and turned towards the exit, but Kathryn called her back.

“B’Elanna.”

“Yes, Kathryn.”

“Thank you.”

She shrugged and smiled. “No problem. See you on the holodeck at 1900.”

This time Kathryn’s smile was genuine and B’Elanna left the Mess hall feeling a lot better about things than when she’d entered.

Kathryn had been right; balancing a friendship within the confines of a command structure wasn’t easy but B’Elanna thought they were doing okay and was rather pleased with how well it was going.

There was, however, still the unchartered sea of Kathryn’s unrealised relationship with Chakotay that needed to be sorted out but that would have to wait for the moment. This latest glitch had merely put the spotlight on the reasons why close relationships with those under one’s command were fraught with complications. B’Elanna decided to let the dust settle before venturing down that road again.

* * *

Tom was released from the Brig on the thirtieth day of his confinement. After making a beeline for B’Elanna’s quarters and indulging in an enthusiastic welcome home, he donned a fresh uniform and headed to the Ready Room to make his peace with the Captain.

He’d asked B’Elanna’s opinion and she’d wholeheartedly agreed that it was the right thing to do.

He didn’t elaborate on what had happened in the meeting but he seemed much more at ease when he came to B’Elanna’s quarters for dinner that evening.

Later that night in Sandrine’s, he challenged Kathryn to a game of pool and after flashing a warm smile in his direction, she accepted the challenge. B’Elanna was pleased to see that whatever issues there might have been regarding his incarceration seemed to have been resolved.

Life on Voyager fell back into its usual rhythm of running repairs, scanning for and avoiding dangerous anomalies, and hunting for supplies and warp capable species with whom to trade. After six years, it had become an almost humdrum daily ritual. When they weren’t fighting tooth and nail for their survival or avoiding annihilation, life was pretty comfortable and sometimes even a little bit boring.

All that changed however, when they crossed the borders of the Devore Imperium and encountered a small group of aliens called the Brenari – a race persecuted by the militant regime for their telepathic abilities.

Kathryn offered sanctuary to the refugees and thus began a lethal game of cat and mouse with the Devore and specifically Inspector Kashyk – the darkly handsome but malevolent commander of the Imperium inspection teams.

The Devore Imperium was vast; its borders spanned several sectors and as the weeks passed, they were subjected to any number of surprise inspections. With the arrival of each inspection team, anxiety levels amongst the crew steadily rose. The overtly aggressive Devore made a point of menacing and harassing the crew and although they were well prepared and knew not to react, the tension was beginning to show. Few others would have noticed, but B’Elanna could also see the growing strain on Kathryn’s features. The constant stress of keeping the refugees and Voyager’s telepaths hidden in transporter suspension, and the unrelenting pressure of staying one step ahead of Kashyk and his henchmen was taking its toll. True to the tenacity of her character, not once did she appear overwhelmed or waver from the path she’d chosen and this was what concerned B’Elanna.

It was Kathryn’s habit in these situations to distance herself from those closest to her and forge ahead alone. Once in place, no one could breach those barriers and B’Elanna could see that Chakotay was worried and carefully watching as well.

Kathryn Janeway was bull-headed and stubborn to a fault and one could never be sure just how far she would be willing to go to secure the crew’s safety, but B’Elanna had a fairly good idea, and that’s what concerned her.

With Kathryn’s propensity for self-sacrifice it was a given that if push came to shove, she’d throw herself on the proverbial grenade if it meant saving the ship. In the past, Chakotay or Tuvok had intervened but B’Elanna knew that if she had her mind set on a particular course of action, Kathryn Janeway was one difficult woman to divert.

Rumours also abounded concerning the Captain’s partiality for the Inspector’s company and there were whispers amongst the lower decks of a not-so-secret affair. After his surprise defection and request for asylum, the trickle of rumours became a flood and B’Elanna found herself disciplining several of the younger crew for their insubordinate and disrespectful behaviour.

She’d tried to speak to Kathryn but she made it impossible and seemed overly – and in B’Elanna’s eyes, worryingly – preoccupied with the alien inspector as they searched for the wormhole that would lead them all to safety. Without being too obvious, B’Elanna tried to take her cues from Chakotay but she was worried and could see the same deep frown of concern on his face. He watched both the Captain and Kashyk intently, poised to intervene if necessary but Kathryn was playing her cards close to her chest and had isolated herself from all the senior staff, which added another layer of disquiet to this very dicey situation.

Eventually, the captain and Kashyk managed to narrow their search for the wormhole to a nearby sector but in their path lay a Devore security network. As luck would have it, they triggered the system and the Imperium became aware of Voyager’s intention. As their warships began to converge, word came through from the captain that Kashyk was leaving the ship.

His plan was to take charge of the inspection teams and keep them occupied while Voyager and the Brenari made their escape.

Kathryn ordered B’Elanna to the Shuttle Bay to ready his vessel for launch.

The Captain’s voice gave nothing away and B’Elanna was still in the control room when Kashyk and Kathryn entered the bay.

It was the second time in as many months that she found herself in the unenviable position of being witness to something she probably shouldn’t have seen. The control room was far enough away that she couldn’t hear what they were saying to one another but the conversation seemed intense. When Kashyk kissed the captain, B’Elanna waited for him to be slammed to the deck or phasered but instead Kathryn enthusiastically returned the embrace before pulling him into another more passionate kiss.

The sensuality behind the embrace was undeniable and B’Elanna wasn’t sure where to look or what to think. To say she was shocked was something of an understatement. Moments later, the shuttle departed, leaving the captain standing alone in the empty bay.

B’Elanna hit the control to close the bay doors and jumped up to leave but Kathryn turned around and looked directly at her. She tapped her combadge. _“B’Elanna, could you come down here please?”_

“On my way.”

She slid down the ladder to the Shuttle Bay floor and strode towards the Captain.

Kathryn glanced over her shoulder one last time before addressing B’Elanna. “We need to ready two of our shuttles. The Brenari are leaving within the hour.”

B’Elanna frowned. “But…” She glanced towards the now closed bay doors. “Kashyk?”

Kathryn shook her head briskly. “He has no intention of letting the Brenari or Voyager leave Devore space. We have to get them off the ship and to the wormhole before he returns with his fleet of warships. I would guess we have less than six hours before he’s back with his entourage.”

B’Elanna was almost too stunned to say anything and then the penny dropped with a thud. _“It was all a ruse?!”_

Casting a narrow-eyed glance in her direction, Kathryn merely huffed before she started walking towards the exit. B’Elanna had to jog to catch up but she couldn’t leave it at that; she had to know.

“Captain?” Another two steps. “Kathryn?”

They were at the doors before the older woman turned and with something dark and worrisome lurking deep in her gaze, she met B’Elanna’s concerned look. Her voice was gruff.  “Of course it was. The man’s a snake – a handsome and charismatic one, I’ll grant you – but beneath the charm, he’s an evil, twisted bastard. From the moment he asked for asylum, his intention was to manipulate me into revealing the position of the wormhole and best me. Voyager is his prize and he thinks he’s won but he hasn’t.”

B’Elanna was silently berating herself for ever doubting Kathryn’s objectivity. She whispered almost to herself. “A Judas kiss.”

Kathryn cocked her head to the side and raised her eyebrows in surprise. “An apt description.” Then taking a deep breath, she continued. “He’s an arrogant, malevolent egomaniac. It wouldn’t even occur to him that I was aware of his attempts to manipulate me or that I would be immune to his charms.” Her lip curled in disdain. “That blind hubris and narcissism are his weaknesses and my greatest allies – I merely played to his ‘strengths’.”

She turned towards the door again but B’Elanna reached for her, gently clasping her forearm until she turned back towards her. Unsure of how far Kathryn had been willing to take the game, and also needing her to know that she had her support not matter what, B’Elanna made a point of looking directly into Kathryn’s eyes. There was no judgement or reproach in her look, only understanding – but she had to ask. “Are you all right?”

Taking a deep breath, Kathryn gave a sad smile. “Since being stranded in the Delta Quadrant I’ve done some things of which I’m not proud but _this_ isn’t one of them. It was an intrigue, an intricate game of subterfuge and manipulation, and I’m good at both but I’m also a better person than he is and – if everything goes to plan – a hell of a lot smarter. What he sees as my weaknesses – my humanity, my devotion to my crew and the people I love – are in fact my strengths and something completely out of his realm of understanding – that’s my ace in the hole. Besides, I have a lot more to lose than he does – even if he doesn’t realise it – so I can’t afford to fail.” She met B’Elanna’s gaze with an intense one of her own. “I just can’t.”

B’Elanna knew she was talking about Chakotay and squeezed Kathryn’s arm quickly in support before letting go and stepping up to the door to trigger the opening mechanism. She grinned and winked. “Not a chance. But, we’ve got some work to do to make sure all that intrigue and kissing wasn’t for nothing.”

Kathryn smiled, the first genuine one B’Elanna had seen for weeks. “We certainly have. I’ve had Seven secretly working on pinpointing the exact location of the wormhole and she should have the co-ordinates by now. What we need to do is find something to mimic neutrino emissions, enough to fool the Devore into thinking that it’s the threshold of the wormhole.”

They were almost to the turbo lift before B’Elanna came up with the answer. “Anti-matter residue! That could work, certainly enough to trick their sensors into thinking it was the emissions from an event horizon. I assume you’ll be giving Kashyk false co-ordinates as part of the deception.”

Kathryn nodded. “I’ll make sure he’s wading waist deep in smug superiority before we pull the rug out from under him. We’ll have to time it carefully though; the Brenari are going to need a couple of hours head start to get to the wormhole. We want them well ahead of the Devore in case they decide to pursue.”

They arrived on the Bridge and Kathryn immediately called a meeting in the Briefing room.

She quickly brought the rest of the senior staff up to date with the plan; each were given their orders, and the final phase of the ‘Sting’ – as Tom coined it – was set in motion.

B’Elanna watched Chakotay during the briefing. He seemed distracted but his poker face was almost as good as Kathryn’s and he was hard to read. However, there wasn’t much time to ponder how he was feeling with so much to do; as usual, duty took priority over all other matters.

On Harry’s suggestion, he and Neelix organised for containers of vegetables to be placed in transporter suspension. Kashyk would expect the telepaths to be there, so they had to have something organic to rematerialise when the time came.

Kathryn handed the Bridge over to Chakotay while she and B’Elanna escorted the Brenari to the Shuttle Bay. The co-ordinates of the wormhole had been downloaded into the navigation systems of the two shuttles and a reconfigured photon torpedo was programmed to fire and detonate at the threshold of the anomaly. On B’Elanna’s suggestion, they uploaded the specifications for the Devore refractive shielding so that the shuttles would be invisible to scans – the thought of using the Devore technology against them seemed to cheer Kathryn immensely.

After the shuttles departed and while they waited for the Devore to return they deposited the antimatter residue in an area of space well away from the Brenari’s planned trajectory.

* * *

B’Elanna was in Engineering when the Devore inspection team arrived. As usual, classical music piped through the comm. system heralded their arrival.

They marched into Engineering and performed their usual rounds of scanning and roughing up the crew, inspecting consoles and stations before moving onto the next department.

Less than a minute after they’d left, Chakotay came barrelling through the doors and demanded that B’Elanna tap into the Bridge monitors. His manner was unnaturally brusque – like a tightly coiled spring.

As she aligned the feeds, she demanded, “What’s wrong?”

“The bastard called her bluff. She was right all along, he was after the co-ordinates but now she’s on the Bridge with them – _alone_.”

A gnawing sense of dread settled in B’Elanna’s stomach. If the situation turned sour, would Kathryn do something rash? Unfortunately, they both knew the answer to that question but there was nothing they could do from deck eleven.

The science station monitor came into focus and they could see Kathryn sitting in Chakotay’s chair, Kashyk in hers and half a dozen armed Devore soldiers posted as sentries around the room. It didn’t look good.

“Fuck!” Chakotay slammed his hand against the console before grabbing a phaser from the panel beneath and heading towards the Jefferies Tubes. “I’m going up there. If this doesn’t go as she planned, I have an awful feeling I know what she’ll do.”

B’Elanna reached to grab another phaser to accompany him but Chakotay shook his head. “No, I need you here monitoring what’s happening. If it looks like she’s about to go with Kashyk or do something stupid, beam her out of there and lock her down in the Brig.”

There was no way she was going to argue with Chakotay when he was in this kind of mood, so B’Elanna merely nodded and watched as he opened the closest Jefferies Tube hatch and dove through the opening. She knew his concern was a valid one. Kathryn wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice her own freedom or life if it meant saving the ship and crew.

But if what Kathryn had said about Kashyk were true – and there was no reason to doubt her – the Devore inspector couldn’t be trusted to hold up his end of a bargain. He’d already proven that he had no scruples or honour. He would see it as expedient to have both of what he desired – which was Kathryn – and what he needed to improve his position amongst the insidious and opportunistic echelons of the Devore military– Voyager and her crew. Both would be considered enviable prizes and too tempting to pass up. B’Elanna just hoped that their deception was a success and Kathryn had read him correctly.

Turning up the audio, she watched and listened carefully to what was happening on the Bridge, her finger poised over the transporter controls ready to beam Kathryn to safety at first sign of trouble.

* * *

Over the next ten minutes, their startling subterfuge was revealed. And as the realisation hit home, Kashyk’s smug superiority turned quickly to shock and then dismayed defeat – his ego and arrogance taking a well-earned hammering.

Kathryn finally sat back in her seat and spoke into the shocked silence of the Bridge, a glib hand movement accompanying her equally glib words. “Computer, change music selection. Mahler’s Symphony Number One, Second Movement.” She gave Kashyk a mildly contemptuous look. “Maybe this will help you relax.”

With the Brenari safely through the wormhole and Kashyk’s coup thwarted, he was left with nothing.

His second in command’s suggestion that they follow protocol and take Voyager and its crew into custody was met with rabid scorn. “To hell with protocol, Prax! Do you think either of us will benefit from having this failure on our records? As far as you’re concerned, this incident never occurred. Make sure your teams share that understanding.” With a muscle still twitching in his cheek, he snapped his head towards the turbolift, his dismissal clear. Prax and the other Devore left the Bridge.

Once they were alone, B’Elanna watched Kashyk turn to Kathryn. “Well played, Captain. It seems I never did earn your trust.”

Kathryn responded in a slightly cajoling tone. “I had to take a few precautions. You understand.”

“Better than anyone.”

The Jeffries Tube hatch behind the Ops station silently opened and B’Elanna saw Chakotay step out onto the Bridge. He wasn’t taking any chances; his phaser was drawn and aimed at Kashyk.

The Devore Inspector glanced past Kathryn and although it was apparent that he’d seen Chakotay, he made no move to acknowledge him. B’Elanna marvelled at his composure – she wasn’t sure she’d be so calm if she had an angry Chakotay pointing a phaser at her.

Unaware of her first officer’s presence, Kathryn leant over the space between the chairs. “I never lied to you. My offer to take you with us was genuine, and it would still stand if you’d kept your part of the bargain.”

“For what it’s worth you made a tempting offer.” His eyes shifted once more to Chakotay still standing by the Ops station clearly poised to either shoot him or rip him limb from limb.

Kathryn followed Kashyk’s gaze and glanced behind her. She appeared unsurprised to see Chakotay there and a gentle knowing smile graced her lips before she turned back to the Devore inspector.

He shrugged. “Somehow I don’t think I’d be welcome.” Then standing, he turned towards the stairs, his back to both of them. His words, however, were for Kathryn. “The Bridge is yours.”

Passing the Ops station on the way to the turbo lift, Kashyk stopped in front of Chakotay. Snapping his heels, he added, “I concede, Commander.”

Without waiting for an acknowledgement, he spun away, stepped through the lift doors and was gone.

B’Elanna’s shoulders slumped in relief; their elaborate scheme had worked. A quick check of the sensors assured her that the Devore were evacuating the ship, their warships peeling away and leaving Voyager unscathed.

They were safe but it had been a hell of a close call.

She turned back to the console, ready to cut the feed but something about Chakotay and Kathryn’s body language caught her attention. She knew she should shut it down but found herself riveted to the unfolding scene, unable to look away.

Chakotay holstered his weapon and made his way down to the command deck. Kathryn was still sitting and staring straight ahead.

He stood in front of her for several moments without saying a word before offering her his hand. Kathryn slowly raised her head. Looking a little shell-shocked but without taking his proffered hand; she nonetheless managed a sad smile. “Thank you.”

He frowned, his hand dropping back to his side. “For what?”

“For coming to my rescue again.”

“You didn’t need rescuing this time.”

“No, but if I had, you were there; as always.”

“It’s what I do and what I love.”

A sombre smile spread across Kathryn’s features and she looked away for a heartbeat or two, before turning back towards him. With her eyes welded to his, she spoke softly. “It’s time, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “Yes. We can’t keep doing this. It’s too hard on both of us.”

Kathryn nodded. She appeared resigned, almost despondent.

B’Elanna’s mouth opened in shock and she made a strangled gasping sound as her heart lurched into her throat. Surely, they weren’t going to break up – not that they were really together – but they were as close as two people could be without actually being together. She couldn’t believe they were contemplating this. If they severed those ties, what would they do? How would they survive? How would any of them survive? They needed one another and what’s more, the crew needed them together. They, as a team – be it command or otherwise – were the lynchpin that held Voyager and its unique hodge-podge of beings together. The whole thing would unravel if they dissolved their partnership.

Damn them! They couldn’t do this. She wanted to scream at them and their stupid, pigheaded adherence to outdated protocols and regulations.

Long subdued anger began to bubble to the surface. Just when she thought she’d found some sort of solid footing, this pair – two of the people she most loved and respected – were giving up; taking the easy road instead of trying to make it work.

How could they? She knew it was crazy but she felt betrayed and used.

There was a hell of a lot more at stake here than just their happiness. Didn’t they understand that?

B’Elanna’s hand moved towards the transporter controls once again. She vowed to herself that if either one of them said anything about ending their partnership or moving on, she was going to beam them straight to the Brig and not let them out until they’d consummated their relationship. This to-ing and fro-ing had gone on long enough. She knew she’d have the crew’s support and probably Tuvok’s too, if she pushed the point. After everything they’d been through, there was no way in Sto-vo-kor that she was going to let them destroy something so unique and important to everyone’s wellbeing. It was for their own good as well as everyone else’s. Besides, what were friends for other than to come between you and making the mistake of a lifetime.

Holding her breath, eyes glued to the console and her fingers at the ready, she waited. There was movement behind her and she glanced up to find Tom peering over her shoulder.

He frowned. “What are you doing?”

“Stopping them from making a stupid, stupid mistake.”

“You’re spying on the Captain and Chakotay?! This is becoming a bit of a bad habit.”

“I’m not spying. Chakotay asked me to monitor the Bridge.”

“While he’s there?”

“He didn’t specify. I’m just following orders.”

“Really.” He sighed quietly. “In that case, just remember to ask for the second Brig along; it has the best view of the security station and excellent ventilation for a prison cell.”

She merely huffed and didn’t answer but moved aside to make room for him next to her. If they were going to go down for this, he could come with her. It only seemed fair.

They watched as Kathryn at last extended her hand and Chakotay took it in his, helping her from her chair. His mouth tilted in the barest of smiles before he addressed the computer. “Computer, input navigation co-ordinates gamma four-one-nine.”

_“Input complete.”_

Ushering her down to the conn., he gestured towards the console with a small sweep of his hand. “Captain?”

She shook her head. “Thank you, but you do the honours, Commander.”

“With pleasure.” He held her gaze for a long moment before reluctantly letting go of her hand to tap several controls on the helm console.

B’Elanna looked up to see the swirling plasma in the core brighten and hum as the ship dropped into warp and speared off towards the wormhole and safety.

Chakotay and Kathryn remained very still, their eyes on the viewscreen but after a moment, he turned back towards her, his voice low and resonant. “We’re on our way.”

“Yes, we are.”

“There’s no turning back.”

She shook her head, her voice husky and wavering slightly. “Not now, not ever.”

B’Elanna moaned. “Oh no.” And her hands shot towards the transporter controls.

They were going to do it. They were going to throw it all away and life on Voyager would never be the same again. She couldn’t let it happen. It would be worth spending a month or two in the Brig if she could stop them from making this monumental mistake.

She locked onto their combadges and was about to initiate transport when Tom stayed her hand. “No, wait. Look!”

B’Elanna’s head snapped back to the monitor to see Kathryn and Chakotay slowly drifting towards one another; the movement almost imperceptible except for the diminishing space between them.

Tom’s grip on her arm tightened and his other arm wrapped around her shoulder as they watched Kathryn lay her hands on Chakotay’s chest and look up at him and smile. His face softened as he ran the back of his fingers down her cheek and then cupped her face in his large hands.

Neither Tom nor B’Elanna dared breathe as Kathryn closed her eyes and edged closer to Chakotay; their lips at last meeting in the gentlest of kisses.

Moments later, in that same slow drift, they pulled away from one another and their faces broke into dazzling smiles. Kathryn’s hand slid up of Chakotay’s shoulder and behind his head, her fingers weaving through his hair as she dragged him back towards her. This time, their arms wrapped around one another and their bodies melted into one of the most toe-curling kisses B’Elanna had ever seen.

“Oh, thank Kahless.” She slumped into the chair in front of the console and heaving a sigh, dabbed at a tear – a happy one. “I really thought they’d blown it.”

Tom ran his hand over her shoulder and smiled. “Give them a little bit of credit.”

She turned to her lover and shook her head. “Credit? Them? They’ve been in love with one another for years and did nothing about it. It took nearly losing each other to get them to see sense.”

Tom raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, funny how that happens.”

B’Elanna jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow. “Shut up. Just let me wallow for a second.”

Tom laughed but then pointed to the console again. “Uh oh. Here comes trouble.”

The turbo lift doors were opening and Voyager’s command team were about to be caught in a lover’s clinch in the middle of the Bridge. With fingers like lightning, B’Elanna hit the transporter controls and they watched Chakotay and Kathryn disappear a split second before Tuvok, Harry and Ayala stepped out of the lift onto the deserted Bridge.

B’Elanna turned to Tom and grimaced; he took a step away, hands up in surrender. “It’s been nice knowing you.”

She shrugged. “Maybe they won’t notice.” Her combadge chirped. “Or not.”

_“Janeway to Torres.”_

“Torres here, Captain. What can I do for you?”

_“You can beam Chakotay and me out of the Brig and to my quarters, if it’s not too much trouble.”_

“Certainly, Captain. Consider it done.”

_“Oh, and B’Elanna.”_

“Yes, Captain.”

_“Thank you.”_

She grinned broadly. “You’re more than welcome.”

* * *

Alone in her quarters, B’Elanna placed the small sheaf of leaves in the burner and lit them. Replacing the lid, she sat back on the couch and watched the ribbon of smoke wind its way towards the ceiling. The spicy fragrance of the incense permeated the air and she took a deep cleansing breath. Smiling, she sent her thanks to the spirits.

They’d made it through the wormhole into friendly space and life on the ship once again returned to its own brand of normal, except, of course, for the slow filtering realisation of the Captain and Commander’s change of circumstances throughout Voyager’s decks.

She was so happy for them and delighted that the crew had accepted the change without so much as a ripple of discord. As it happened, many of them already believed that the command team were a couple and were more than surprised to find out that they’d been mistaken in their assumption.

She’d laughed at Kathryn’s astonished reaction to that news and when she’d asked Chakotay if he’d known, he’d merely shrugged and tugged at his earlobe – a sure sign of his guilty conscience.

As B’Elanna watched the swirling smoke rise from the burner, it seemed a lifetime ago that she’d sat in this very spot so filled with rage and hurt. It was hard to equate that woman to the one she was now. It was why she’d asked Tabor for the bateret leaves. It was her way of giving thanks and asking for forgiveness for past wrongs. He’d happily obliged and offered to help with the Bajoran ritual of renewal, but she’d declined the offer. This was something very personal and important for her to do alone. She picked up the small paper scroll on which she’d written her apologies and regrets, and pivoting to her feet, she lifted the lid of the burner and placed it onto the smouldering incense. Small flames licked up the sides of the paper and within moments, all that remained was a small pile of ashes.

She took a deep breath and smiled.

After replacing the lid on the burner, B’Elanna looked past her bed towards the viewport and the slightly warp-distorted star field. She spent a moment marvelling at life and the bizarre twists and turns hers had taken to bring her to this place and time. She knew there would be more obstacles thrown across her path – life in the Delta Quadrant was no picnic – but for now, in this moment, she was content.

Checking the chronometer, B’Elanna pulled on her uniform jacket. Tom would be arriving soon; they’d organised to meet Kathryn and Chakotay in Sandrine’s for dinner.

The door chimed and she smiled.

Tom stepped over the threshold, swept her into his arms and kissed her soundly, his actions compounding her happiness and reaffirming her thoughts.

Life, even with all its bumps, bruises and peculiarities was vastly preferable to the alternative.

With that thought in mind, she took Tom’s hand and together they stepped through the open doors of her quarters and into the unknown.

Qapla’


End file.
